How do we deal with stress and find balance in our lives?
If you are in the growing majority, that simple question no doubt resonates with you. It compromises health, steals away productivity, and can leave us feeling like the hamster wheel is spinning out of control at the cost of our passion and hobbies, friends and community, and calm and prosperity. Quite simply, stress stops us from being present.
I was recently asked by a client in a group coaching session this question: “Why when we are children does time appear to move so slowly? A summer’s day lasts forever; a weekend camping trip feels like it will never end.” The answer is because when we are children, we were able to be here—'here' meaning the ability to be present in the moment. Time appears to move so slowly for a child because children can exist in the moment, with the capacity and inclination to experience what is in the here and now right before them, relatively unencumbered by what has already transpired or what is potentially coming up. When we become adults, the thief of the mind pushes our thoughts constantly into the past and future, away from and out of the moment. This is what creates the illusion of time moving more quickly. We still get the same 15 minutes, but if we were only consciously focused on three of them, time appears to pass by hastily.
Being 'Here'
Here is the challenge facing some of us daily: just being here. Focusing on what we are doing now and getting the most from it.
A few days ago, I was sitting with my four-year-old son coloring pictures of Pokémon characters. Conversation with a four-year-old is enlightening because the answers you get are honest, pure, and matter of fact. Little time or effort is put into massaging their response to make it acceptable. I asked him, "What do you think will be the most fun thing to do when you get big?" He answers, "Coloring Pokémon pictures with you daddy." A great lesson learned from that simple answer. In the moment, when asked what would be most fun, this very moment came to his mind. At the ripe age of four, he has a great capacity to “be here,” to enjoy every minute of every day, and to value what he is doing.
Let us ponder this notion. There is nothing more precious than this exact moment in time, right? What you are doing now should be relished and enjoyed. If we adults (the big people saddled with mortgage payments) took heed of this simple philosophy, a greater appreciation and joy could come from life, and we may quickly wonder how we ever lived without this perspective.
Dealing with stress and investing in areas of life that provide balance is an undertaking. Stress can manifest when you are “here” and wanting to be “there”—there, where you get to fast forward and find out the outcome of an event or activity. Learning to focus is an important skill.
To be present when we are with a client or in conversation with our children or friends, enjoy the book we are reading, feel the workout we are engaged in, or appreciate the meal we are sharing with our family is possible. You can help improve your skill of focusing or being in the moment with a simple exercise. Choose activities free of stress or expectation, and for one week while performing these activities, focus your mind only on the task at hand. Examples can include brushing your teeth, driving your car, eating your lunch, or riding the elevator. When another thought comes to your mind, push it out and return your focus to the activity. You will be amazed by how many mindless thoughts fill your brain and take you out of the moment. After the first week, pick one activity from each day and use that as your focus building exercise for 15 minutes. Each week thereafter, extend the exercise by five minutes.
Your ability to focus will continuously improve. Being “here” and living in the moment is one of the greatest antidotes to stress that allows for more balance in life. See the prize in every moment.
