Emotional Behavior
The newborn infant shows no definite emotional responses, but ually through growth and learning, distinct forms of emotional expression appear. First comes excitement, noticed readily in the one-month-old child. By three months of age the child may exhibit delight as he or she smiles or distress when movements are.hindered. A few weeks later, anger will appear as an emotion. Some mild happiness is usually noticed by the time the child is six months of orne fears appear by twelve months. At two years of age the child has quite an impressive array of emotional responses: fear, anger, jealousy, distress, excitement, delight, joy, elation, affection.
Fear
Fear is produced by so many situations that we are likely to conclude that all fears are inborn or unlearned, but this is not the case. The child who is sent to bed with some threat may come to fear the dark. A . child who observes.a memLer of the family showing, or even talking about, fear of an animal may become afraid of it without having personally been frightened by the animal.
Although the baby learns most of his fears, there are a few things he wiII naturally be afraid of: strange and unexpected situations and objects, thunder, lightning, and sonic booms. Once babies get used to these happenings, so that they are no longer strange and unexpected, fear may cease.
There are no simple and direct rules that all parents can follow in obtaining effective emotional control over the fear of their children, but several helpful suggestions can be made. First, one should keep reminding himself that most fears are learned. Removing certain stimuli will prevent some fears from becoming established. Preventing disturbing associations for the child insofar as possible goes a long way toward keeping fears at a minimum. Second, it is important that the child be made to feel secure, free from threats, too-frequent punishments (psychological as well as physical), and sudden. unexpected situations. Third, fear is associated with injuries. so give the child comfort when he is hurt. This kind of comfort will not lead to spoiling. Finally, set the child a good example, not an example in "bravery,"but the example of not exhibiting or talking of fears, It is comforting to remember that most fears, except the very severe ones, pass away with time.
Anger
Anger in most children should not be taken too seriously. As the child grows older, outbursts of anger become fewer and longer. The most common causes of anger for the first few years include restrictions of movements. interference in play activities. and direct conflict with aut!writy. With increasing age. anger responses become more specifically directed at the obstructing person or object, frequently taking the form of fighting.
Around two to three years of age tcmper tantrums are rather common ways of expressing anger and closely asscciated with tantrums is the negativistic behavior we spoke of earlier. Negativism is a form of anger in which the child refuses to cooperate. often doing the opposite of what he is told. It is sotvpical that psychologists regard it as normal bchador. As the child gradually learns more and more effective habits in getting along with other people anger responses diminish. But the child who is frequently given in to when he becomes angry is likely to resort to more fits of rage because they get him what he wants.
Studies show that among parents who are tolerant with their children fewer anger respopses are found than among those children of critical parents who are unreasonably concerned as to whether they are "good" or "bad." By the time the child starts to school, he or she usually learns one way or another that anger does not payoff too often. As with adults, children show anger more frequently when they are tired, in need of sleep, or overstimulated. If the general psychological climate is one in which one frustration piles upon another, anger may well erupt with the least provocation.
Jealousy
Most children show some jealousy, particularly when a new baby comes into the house. One can prevent the child's jealousy somewhat by telling him or her in advance about the new member of the family and getting the boy, for example, to feel that it is his baby sister. Letting him help in little ways with the care of the baby and letting him show off the new arrival give him a feeling of participation in a family project. He is less liltely to feel that his psychological territory has been invaded.
Reassurance to the older child that he or she is still loved pays better dividends in decreasing jealousy than do punishments, scoldings, and reasonings. The fewer comparisons one makes between ealous children, the better. Not much "natural" jealousy comes from :nldren over five or six years of age. Jealousy between brothers and .ters arises not so much from discrimination between them with _gard to gifts and privileges as from unfairness in the general attitude of the parents toward them. The girl who claims that she didn't get as nice presents as her brother may be using this as an excuse to point out unfairness shown in more subtle ways. It is not common for the child who feels insecure to set up a defense for his elings by exhibiting jealousy against a brother or sister. It is also quite common to have a younger child jealous of an older one who has :re possessions and is permitted to do more.
Play
Practically all children handle their genitals at one time or another. behavior begins around six to eight months of age. Most children, boys in particular, around three to six year of age will rbate somewhat. Calling attention to the activity in a direct diciplinary sort of way may only make matters worse. Getting the child interested in something else, a toy or some other activity, may the problem. Children sometimes masturbate because they need to urinate, because their clothing may be irritating them, or just out of boredom ar.d lack of anything else to do. Nervousness is not caused by masturbation, but sometimes children masturbate because they are nervous.
Sex Questions
Giving children honest answers to their sex questions, although lessening to some extent the behind-the-barn type of sex experimentation, does not mean they will not engage in some sex play among themselves.
Child psychologists offer a few suggestions that may be helpful in handling sex play among children.
- Don't let children play alone in a closed room for long periods at a time without casually dropping by to see what they are doing,
- When intereest in what they are doing begins to lag, have some other interesting things for them to try.
- Don't cause the child to feel that there is something mysterious about sex. Children who have their sex questions answered truthfully and within the bounds of their understanding are less likely to be secretiv.e about sex.
- As far as possible, try not to let children get a sense of guilt about sex.
Other Annoyances
Perhaps there is no other subject in child psychology on which there is so little agreement as there is on the question of what to do about thumb- or finger-sucking. Fortunately, however, most researchers agree that it is not a habit to worry about too mt1ch. Nearly every infant puts his thumb. or fingers, in his mouth. Since the child always bas his thumb with him. it is natural that the thumb finds its way into the mouth. Preventing thumb-sucking from becoming a habit involves recognition that sucking behavior is natural and should be allowed to continue. Substitute something else for the infant to suck on and he may leave the thumb alone. If one can prevent thumbsucking for the first Veal'. the chances are it will not become a habit. Even if it gets started. most children are over the habit by four or five years of age. and usually before permanent teeth start to come through.
Nail-biting is an emotional type of response found more commonly in high-strung children. Scolding or punishing the child for biting his nails won't break the habit; in fact, it may only increase tension. It is nccessary to get at the causc of tension and remove it before the habit can be broken.
Stuttering in children learning to talk is not uncommon. After all speech is a very fine still that has to come gradually and many hings can upset the smooth progress of acquiring it, especially the child is in an emotionally charged environment. Let the \'ho stutters have pjenty of time to say what he or she is attempting to say. It is wise not to interpret the child's repetition of the same words over and over again as stuttering. Most children who stutter for a time will outgrow it jf their attention is not called to the stuttering. For a few the p,roblem may be serious, requiring profesattention. Tension and anxiety are inseparable from true .ng. Calling attention to the stuttering only increases the sense of inadequacy.
The Pleasant Emotions
We read and hear so much about fears, angers, and other emotional -, and have so many opportunities to see them dramatized, that we.end to forget that there is another side to our emotional life. Very little is said about joy, laughter, and happiness, perhaps hese responses are rarely, if ever, problems. However, there at deal that both parents and teachers can do, directly and to help develop this side of the child's emotional life.
Enjoyment of good music, the other arts, science, work, litera-lal contacts, and play-all comes about through learning. Good music should not be forced on the child. Children should be given opportunity to hear it. Releasing energy through enjoyment 'he best ways to keep down emotional tensions that produce
