Emotional Responses
One important thing to keep in mind is that emotional control does not come easily. You can improve your emotional control by becoming aware of what to exhibit and what to keep to yourself. Let us elaborate on some points.
Learning Emotional Control
When a parent picks up a child in order to calm him, two things happen. First, the child learns to feel security. Second, things can be explained to the child after the tears have stopped. Gradually the child learns that rules and regulations enforced kindly, firmly, and consistently help in dealing with frustrations and conflict. As adults we extend this learning of emotional control, noting first of all that the initial emotional upset is never completely under our control. We also soon learn that we cannot control emotion simply by deciding always to do the right thing or to stay away from all possible sources of emotional stimulation.
Emotional control involves the recognition of reality. Control sometimes involves our having only limited alternatives. For example, the choice may be between prolonged aggravation and facing the shock of quick ego loss. It may be ~ choice between taking refuge on nostalgia and facing an uncertain adventure. We learn to view emotional control from the standpoint of our normal daily habits, not just from the standpoint of controlling severe abnormalities of behavior. We learn to expect emotional responses under certain situations. We also learn to control emotion by becoming adjusted to the stimulus that produces it. While emotion inhibits clear thinking, fortunately it is also true that clear thinking inhibits emotion. How well we do all these things reflects our personality.
Release of Emotions
The person who likes to release his or her feelings through encounter groups certainly differs in personality from the individual who is more restrained in showing feelings. Let us first look at sensitivity training for th~se people who like to express their feelings openly in groups and then talk about those who do not.
The purpose of sensitivity training, or "encounter groups" as they are sometimes called, is to make people more aware of how their behavior is interpreted by others. The training involves small groups of fifteen to twenty people, 'known as "T-groups." These people come together to share experiences and to say what they really feel, free of conventional niceties. Professional sessions are well planned, although they give the-appearance of being very informal. Most groups begin with an embarrassing silence followed by rambling conversation during which feelings begin to be expressed and the reactions of the members are aired.
Carl Rogers, who bas made extensive studies of encounter groups, says that the group goes through four stages as training sessions progress: First, there tends to be confusion, even frustration, when the trainer lets it be known that he will not directly 1 un the group. Some resistance to expressing feelings comes out ir. this initial stage. An individual who does begin to express his or her feelings may get turned off by others. There may even be questioning of the appropriateness of such expression. Second. members of the group begin to talk about problems they have run into outside the group. Gradually, real expression of feelings begins to emerge. These first feelings. expressed about oneself or some group member, are usually negative. Third, a climate of trusL begins to develop as the various expressed feelings are accepted. Fourth, the session opens up; now
the group insists that each individual be himself or herself, free of efensiveness. The group now drops all conventioal tact and politeness.
When sensitivity training is used as group therapy, where faades are discarded, emotions expressed, and pent-up hostilities cut oose, unpredictable things can happen. One person may remember another's critical attitudes long after a session in a negative way; another individual may benefit from criticism that shows him how he appears to other people. Sometimes a person's fellow student, co"'r'orker, wife or husband, or even the very open person may find new emotional release disturbing.
Advocates of sensitivity training believe that it is valuable to know how others see you. Critics, on the other hand, believe it is harmful to expose oneself so openly. Some observers have made the point that whereas many people can survive critical attacks, some have personalities that should not be exposed to such encounters.
Restraints on Emotional Release
Society has a way of keeping us from expressing ourselves fully. How ve release pent-up feelings reveals something of our personality and life-style. Sports and hobbies, .even routine office, factmy, or housebold chores help release feelings. Some people can express themselves through reading or writing or even by booing officials at gamps.
Our verbal criticisms of others may be as much a release of our feelings as a means of letting the other person know our evaluations.
Emotional suppression can both help and harm us. Suppressing anger in an intellectual argument may be beneficial on occasion, but suppressing all feelings all the time can lead to difficulties of adjustment. Persons who do not allow themselves to feel things deeply are plagued by a sterile dullness in their lives. They often wonder why others seem to be having more fun. On the other hand, becoming emotionally involved with people, causes, organizations, or even spectator sports calls for keeping our involvement within tolerable limits. Through many harmless releases of energy, we become to some degree immunized to frustration and conflict. If emotion is properly channeled, we gradually learn to share in other peoples moods and to join in the group emotions of listening to music, experiencing the visual arts, and sharing religious expression.
