Communication means different things at different times to all of us.
"I don't want to go to the dance. It's a real drag having to get dressed up."
"With my ability, I could have a much better job, but they need me here in the secretarial pool."
"It's raining in the whole rotten world, and you're an unfair mother to break your promise about going to the park."
Do you think each of these people meant exactly what he or she said? Or should the old saw be changed to read, "Listen to what I mean, not to what I say"? Perhaps the first girl felt she wasn't pretty enough to be asked to the dance. Was the secretary afraid to try out for a more demanding job? Was the little boy too disappointed at not going to the park to think about the effect of rain on the sandbox? To avoid the quick, sarcastic, communication-breaking remark, these people must be listened to. That's right, really listened to. True.communica. tion has to be a two-way street.
In this era of public opinion polls, dialogues, and rap sessions, students are probably bombarded with more pressure to communicate than almost any other group. One might say, "There must be something wrong with me, or my parents, if I can't get a simple idea across. With tbe way things are new. 1 should be ahle to make myself really understood just by wanting to badly enough. It seems like every time I try to talk to my folks about the race issue, or politics, or even if 1 can have the car Saturday night, we just end up shouting at each other. What's the matter?"
This failure in communication certainly isn't limited to the student. A worker may feel he can't tell his supervisor about how much his assembly:line neighbor's whistling annoys him. It might seem silly, even though it is hurting his efficiency. A preschooler may rush to his mother to have her come see his beautiful tower, but, finding her nursing the new baby, viciously kicks over the blocks. The child is in anguish over his inability to explain how he feels. He wanted to communicate as badly as the student, but couldn't do it either. At the foundation of many a troubled marriage is an almost total breakdown in communication, the partners having drifted along, relying on habit to hold them together, rather than honest understanding and an open discussion of the issues that divide them.
Communication and Language Usage
On the level of vocabulary and language usage, Bergen Evans has made some valuable comments. He stresses the importance of the nuts and bolts of vocabulary to a person in fully expressing himself. Unless it is suppressed, the colorful (if sometimes inaccurate) speech of children comes naturally. At suppertime, a four-year-old was heard to say, "I'm as hungry as a car without gas." By taking the time to listen, a parent can help a child stretch his imagination and his vocabulary at the same time. This leads to one of Evans' major points:
An increased vocabulary makes learning easier. This statement makes a lot of sense, since you can neither understand what you are reading, nor reproduce what you have learned, if you lack the vocabulary. The use of a dictionary shouldn't be a shameful sign of. not knowing something, but a positive sign of wanting to improve. The mature person will admit he doesn't know an answer, but then looks until he finds it. Teachers would much rather be given a paper using specific terms than vague generalities. Evans emphasizes that a good vocabulary goes a long way toward avoiding misunderstandings, besides adding clarity and variety to speech or writing. He even states that in addition to the simple pleasure of using a well-chosen word, yocabulary largely shapes the decisions we make. The cliche "Words fail me," is sadly often true. Most people admire the person with a good vocabulary, if it isn't accompanied by a superior attitude. Further, Evans says that the ability to increase vocabulary throughout life is a "sure reflection of intellectual progress." And, most important for our purpose, The better control we have over words, the more successful our adjustment is likely to be."
Artistic Communication
. On a less obvious level; communication does not need to involve speech or conversation at all It may be the passing along of one man's ideas and perceptions on an emotional level through his art. On this level, the cliche "A picture is worth a thousand words" is certainly true. A newspaper photo of a man's h-and dripping with oil sludge after being dipped in Lake Michigan sparked the "Save the Lake" campaign in that area, leading to multimillion dollar antipollution proposals. No words were needed to arouse public interest in the situation.
The music of today's youth, probably more than that of other eras, serves as an outlet for their feelings on life, and should not be too lightly dismissed as "noise." Despite a number of banalities, and some works recorded for the sheer pleasure of rhythm, there are others which carry a serious message. "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel and "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan are examples from past years, and more appear all the time. The quasi-religious revival in some sectors could be seen in the rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar of 1970. The phenomenal success of such songs or hymns as "Amazing Grace" and "Put Your Hand in the Hand of the Man" are further evidence of this. Songs openly or indirectly referring to the drug scene can be heard, as well as many questioning establishment values. A parent truly concerned with communication, with his teen. ager could do worse than listen. The titles and emphasis will change, but the effectiveness of their communication probably will not.
Literature, movies, painting, and sculpture as media of expression are also genuine communication, whether anyone agrees with the "message" or not. Andy Warhol's faithfully copied painting of a soup can and his elaborately tongue-in-cheek movies show a phil. osophy of a different sort. The paintings of Norman Rockwell are seen ·hopeles.sly saccharine to some and appealingly true to life to others,
but they are the communication of his views. The "minimal" sculpture and "junk" sculpture of recent years could also be seen as communication of a sort without overly stretching the imagination. The man who covered the whole side of a cliff with plastic wrap had a message for some.
Communication In Marriage
It has been said that happiness in marriage centers on sharing common interests, friendships, and levels of aspiration. However, the communication may be the most important ingredient of all. And it should be clear by now that communication isn't just talking. It may consist of some things net said, if these would break down the exchange of ideas. Insulting one's in-laws would certainly be an example of this. Marriage partners need not completely "bare their
ouls" to one another, but the thought that is not expressed verbally or nonverbally, cannot be understood. One couple spent almost three months in an unhappy "battle-ready" state, until the meticulous usband revealed that the wife neglecting to clean the cat hairs off he couch was terribly annoying to him. (Her instant remark "But that's crazy!" didn't do much for communication either.)
While the old saws about "getting things off your chest," and "not going to sleep mad" may hold a lot of truth, there are certain instances when arguments are unnecessary and a scene should be' avoided. If a problem has been building for weeks or months, by all means get it out in the open. If the sharp retort is simply the result of a bad mood, or of being sick or overtired, it is best left unexpressed. And remember, fighting or bickering can become a destructive habit, the cutting remark automatic. Since love, and the expression of love, breeds more love, isn't that the best possible thing to communicate?
