Has your Child Asked you "Where Do Babies Come From" yet?
As soon as they can talk kids will begin asking that age old question, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Are you prepared? There’s a lot of information available today and responses as specific or general as you like, are easy to find on the Internet. But what is the best "story" for your child at this very teachable moment? You may be surprised.
The Truth About Babies is Not About Birds or Bees
Having grown up on a farm, I learned at an early age just by observing my surroundings. No need for birds or bees. Later I became a biologist and that helped me become comfortable in conversing with young people about animals and mating. After all, zoology and biology is all about perpetuation of all our earthly species.
A crucial period to discuss human reproduction occurs ages 4 through 7. Children are ready for information and hungry for it. What they learn now is what will lay the groundwork for their curiosity and future knowledge base.
Best Time is When a Child Asks the Question
All too often children ask this question when mom or dad is very busy with tasks and want to put off answering. But it's crucial to respond immediately with as much truth and detail as you can muster. If the information comes without fanfare the child will be more natural and open with future questions. It's not that complex after all!
Try not to allow your response to be colored with your own likely terrible experience with your own parents. Start anew. Relaxed and without a smile say that a man and a woman can create a baby if they decide to have sex. Or they can have sex without creating a baby. When they have sex a man puts his penis inside the womans vagina. Mention that you will find pictures if your child seems ready to envision this. Your values may dictate that you add a note about choices to have sex with being in love, being married or using birth control. But there is no benefit to giving your chid more information than he or she is ready for.
Since the child's knowledge of sexual organs is usually wound up with their understanding of defecating and urinating you will need to make clear that the organs appear to be multipurpose. Use terms the child already knows to introduce more correct anatomical terminology.
For example: "Daddy can use his pee-pee or penis to urinate or to make babies. This is called making love or having sex. If he wants to make love or have sex with mommy then he puts his penis into mama's vagina which is very close to her own pee-pee. Making love and having sex don't always make a baby. If the mommy and the daddy do decide to make a baby - the baby grows next to mommy's stomach and her tummy gets larger and larger as the baby gets ready to come out."
Very important-The kids will usually get a fleeting look of concern or disgust when considering this; so you need to stay emotion and reaction free about the statements yourself. And be ready to find a picture to help the child in understanding what you are saying.
Affirm the Natural and Positive Aspects of Making Babies
You might want to describe yourself and your husband in a way by saying daddy and I wanted a baby so much that we had you. It’s a good idea to let your child know they are very much wanted. In this way, you are establishing and idea of sexual intercourse as being an act of love that is beautiful and respected.
Further discussion of the anatomy of sexually mature men and women can be detailed later and often a child's questioning will be relative to what they have already seen of mom and dad. All children develop at different rates and have different levels of exposure from their peers. Remember, you will be talking about this for some time to come as your child grows to maturity. There is always time to become more detailed.
Frame Questions Surrounding Baby Making with Care
It’s a good idea to let your child know they have asked an interesting question to let he/she know their questions are welcomed. This encourages your child to come to you with any concerns they may have.You might ask them what they think happens and build on the knowledge that is correct while clearly correcting unhelpful information they may have heard or imagined.
Generally, children know that a baby is carried inside the mother but their concerns will be, “how did the baby get there?” See if you can get a handle on how much your child knows about sex to determine if they have any wrong ideas or fears.
It is always important to answer questions in a simple manner, unembarrassed and straightforward. Keep it simple! Always reinforce the idea that they can come to you when they have questions about anything. This helps to maintain an openness that will help your child feel comfortable when asking questions about sex.
If necessary, check out some books on how to talk to your child about sex. Some texts are available that you and your child can read together to ease the conversation.
It is generally agreed upon by experts that you should use proper anatomical names to describe parts of the body. Don’t be afraid to say vagina, penis, ovaries, testes etc. It is not advised to use descriptive terms such as “cupcake”, “cookie” or “wee-wee” or any other sexual euphemisms you can think of. Using the proper anatomical terms in a normal tone will pay off in the future. Make sure both male and female parts are discussed and presented together.
Related Sexual Discussions for Children
This is also a good time to reinforce the discussion about inappropriate touching from others. By the time a child can understand yes, no and stop, he or she should have been prompted by parents to be able to say no to strangers touching them anywhere. Reinforce that their bodies are their own and no one should touch them inappropriately. Let your child know that if someone touches them inappropriately they should tell the person to stop and then tell you about it right away.
Finally encourage your children to ask questions. Questions of a sexual nature should be encouraged to continue as the child matures. Build a healthy foundation for knowledge and progress forward adding more information as you go as your child requests. Good luck!
