When to introduce your child to cellphone?

At a recent school fair - you know, the type with a moon bounce, funnel cakes, and kids running around tipsy with glee to be off-leash for a few hours -- my nine-year-old daughter strutted around with a puzzling pink cell phone sticking out of her front pocket. The phone looked familiar, I realized, because it was my old cell, dead for at least three years. She’d snitched it from my messy office desk drawer. When I asked her why she was walking around with a decrepit, useless phone, she gave me a crazed look. “Duh, Mom. So people think it’s mine.”

Over the past decade, cell phones have become necessities for most adults in the United States, priceless communication and convenience tools. We panic if we lose them or leave them at home for even a few hours. I can’t imagine a day in my life without mine. But I hadn’t realized that a kid’s first cell phone has become a right of passage as critical as a bat mitzvah, a driver’s license or a diploma.

These days, instead of debating when to buy a child’s first bike, or let them walk to school alone, many parents (and their children) debate over how young is too young to buy a child their own cell phone.

Like so much of parenting decisions, there is no right answer. Each kid and every family’s needs are distinct. I know a child in first grade who has her own cell phone. She’s an only child with parents who work split shifts, and she is often at afterschool, and at friends’ and relatives’ homes overnight. Her parents need her to have a phone so they can kiss her goodnight and arrange complex logistics. But since this girl has no friends with cell phones, its usage is limited to her parents and caregivers. At least until a quorum of her friends catch up and get their own phones. At the other end of the spectrum, I know a family of three young girls so independent they take the subway alone…but they are not allowed a dedicated cell phone until ninth grade.

My oldest child got a phone when he was in fourth grade and started spending evening hours in basketball gyms without us. His cell phone solved a safety concern. What if practice ended early? We didn’t want him alone, 45 minutes from home, stranded in an empty elementary school. And indeed, cell phone providers like Verizon and Motorola make “baby” cell phones specifically for safety and parental communication. The phones are limited to a few emergency numbers and are designed for young children to use easily and safely.

But what makes sense for older kids who beg for a cell for the same reasons we adults consider phones indispensible -- to manage their lives and communicate with their friends? In general, I don’t see many kids younger than eleven with cell phones. Most kids in 7th and 8th grades (ages 12 to 14) seem to have them. The family that forbids cell phones until ninth grade is my personal data outlier.

Getting your first cell phone has become a milestone in our kids’ lives. We parents would be wise to understand why this milestone matters so much, to respect it as a signpost, and to make this a positive rite of passage, not something to ridicule or dismiss as a symptom of how pseudo-modern or spoiled this generation has become. Instead of screaming “I DIDN’T GET A CELL PHONE UNTIL I WAS 32!” maybe try, “You’re so responsible now, we think you will be ready to handle this powerful communication tool. Here are the rules. We expect you to use this wisely.”

And don’t forget some practical advice. I cannot stress how critical it is for parents of teenagers to sign up for unlimited texting plans. Kids can easily send and receive over 300 texts a day - that can quickly run to 10,000 per month. Don’t worry about cell phones giving your kid brain cancer - they hardly ever use the phone to actually talk. Texting is the new drug of choice.

Sit down and talk to your kids about the costs of your plan, so they know in advance how to use the phone wisely and what the penalties will be. Set rules about bringing the cell to the dinner table, to bed, to school, to grandma’s. Set the rule early that your kids MUST answer when you call or text - otherwise the phone is useless to you as a parent.

Make sure you explain what sexting is - if you don’t know, read this cautionary tale. My advice is to say frankly to your children “The rule in this family is that you are not allowed, ever, under any circumstances, to text or email a naked picture of any part of yourself or anyone else, or you will be kicked out of this family.” If you don’t want to be so harsh, at least explain that police consider sexting child pornography, that paying money to view a sext is a felony, and that you’d be happy to visit them on their birthday in juvie if they get caught.

Technology is a prominent influence in our children’s daily lives - and their futures long after we are as old and useless as the phone my daughter took from my drawer. A child’s first cell phone is their point of entry into a world of personalized, powerful technology tools. Underneath my nine-year-old’s desire for status lies the normal yearning to grow up, to become an adult in the eyes of the world. Funny but true that a pink four-ounce rectangle of metal and buttons is her passage into a future without me as her protector, a world of technology I can’t even begin to envision.

By Leslie Morgan Steiner

Dealing with Teen Stress

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Colleges are getting more selective every year, and you have to get those scholarships to avoid excessive student loans. Good jobs are getting harder to find, too, unless you constantly perform at the top. Getting that high GPA while managing extracurricular activities- all while keeping a great attitude and avoiding distractions- seems to be the only path to college and career.

So, if our kids are going to compete in the world, they must push themselves- hard. And if we are good parents, we need to be fully behind them, pushing, too. Right?

Well, in fact, wrong. Wrong, that is, unless we want our children to fit the new breed of high-achieving American youth, kids who are totally stressed out and worn out before they ever finish high school. Many are exhausted and frustrated even before leaving middle school.

Study after study has shown that for our darling “adultlings,” the simple joys of life and learning have been completely sucked out of our school’s academic “achievement” process.

We’re telling our kids, ‘Forget the journey; keep your eyes on the prize’-a stellar SAT score, a starring role on the playing field, first chair in the youth symphony. And hey, why not all three? You can do it. Don’t be lazy!

Sure, we must help our children discover their talents, which isn’t easy when the flow of life stays quickened. We have to support their opportunities and desires to excel. Most importantly, we should encourage them when they need a boost or a reminder of their worth.

But I think today’s culture has taken a wrong turn. Don’t you? Our teens are chronically sleep-deprived from studying or practicing, worried sick (literally) about their performance in sports or on stage, and so determined to make grade that they’ll cheat to do it. (A recent study found that 90 percent of middle-schoolers and 95 percent of high-school juniors and seniors admit to having cheated on a test.)

Let there be no doubt: Our kids are stressed. Too stressed. This stress often manifests itself through self-destruction. Experts call it “self-medicating”- stress-induced risky behaviors. Drinking and drug use. Cutting. Attempted suicides. Rampant sexual activity. Constant engagement in high-risk activities. All these behaviors are on the rise. And the number of teens and tweens being treated for depression has doubled in the past five years alone.

Yes, society has changed. Our whole world has changed. But something hasn’t- the “wiring” in a teenager’s brain. You see, that wiring is not complete yet. It isn’t equipped to handle the sort of load modern America seems to promote, with our craze for perfection and persistence without fail. So what happens when you plug 220-volt stress into a 110-volt brain? See the previous paragraph.

Here’s what you need to know about teens: Emotions rule their day. You think school is about academics? Think again. For them, going to school is all about relationships. About falling in and out of love. About friends. Not math and science. And everything that happens in life- in the classroom, on the soccer field, with homework and studying- is affected by what’s going on in their relationships.

Homework, tests, being grounded for every little thing, falling in and out of love, trying to win a game, being sleep-deprived because most school schedules don’t synch with teenagers’ natural sleep patterns- all these things can cause teens to lose it. When their brains overload emotionally, they lash out, act out, or fold in on themselves. They won’t explain their behavior because they can’t. It’s up to parents to understand, at a deep level.

So if you want to be a really good parent, look for the signs of stress: Moody boys. Mean girls. Long silences. Constant rages. Plummeting grades. Ignoring friends. Giving up. Talking down (about being fat, flat, weak, ugly, hated, useless). Drinking. Cutting. Unprotected sex.

Then stop the groundings and pay attention. Help your teen lighten his load. Help her make sense of her worth, her opportunities, and her world (not yours).

And for the long haul, take a look at yourself. Do you dream of your child being on the Olympic team, getting that music scholarship, and inventing the cure for cancer someday? Keep in mind that it typically takes 10,000 hours of practice to achieve perfection in any particular activity. Do you need a serious reality check?

Here’s my recommendation: Dream instead of a child who is happy, well-rounded and enjoying life…not someday, but now.

Read my book, If Your Teen Could Talk, for even more perspective and understanding of the emotional life of your teen.

By Dr. David Hooton

Teens Safety Tips for Teen Driving

The 100 Deadliest Days (Memorial Day to Labor Day) for teens has already started. We thought these tips and tidbits about summer teen driving would be both informative and beneficial. We recently had the opportunity to talk to Bill Wade, National Program Manager for Tire Rack Street Survival (a national non-profit teen driving program) and here’s what we learned.

Why is there an increased risk for teen drivers during the summer?

The 100 Deadliest Days occur because teen drivers have more access to the car, are out being social or traveling to jobs, etc. while out of school during the summer months.

What factors are responsible for the high rates of teenage car accidents?

According to studies, teenage drivers tend to underestimate hazardous driving situations and are less able than older drivers to recognize dangerous situations.

- Teenage drivers are more likely to speed and tailgate.

- Having male teen passengers in the car has been shown to increase the likelihood of high risk driving behaviors among teenage male drivers.

- Of male drivers killed between 15 and 20 years of age 38% were speeding and 24% had been drinking and driving.

- Teens also have the lowest rate of seat belt use. According to surveys about 10% of high school students report they do not wear seat belts.

What is the leading cause of teenage car accidents?

Distractions are the leading cause, but this is a huge vague category. Nearly half of the fatal crashes involving 16-year-old drivers were single vehicle crashes, so this can be interpreted to mean that some factor made them become distracted i.e. phone use, adjusting the radio, eating/drinking, talking with passengers etc. Distractions put the teen into a situation they couldn't handle, ultimately causing a crash. Inexperience behind the wheel plays a huge role in accidents. Overcorrecting when dropping two wheels off the edge of the pavement and not knowing what to do is an example. 60% of the incidents happen in urban areas, 60% of fatalities happen on rural roads, 40% of those occur on curves.

Is alcohol a contributing factor, or one that parents should be concerned about?

Yes, parents should be concerned. However, alcohol accounts for less than 25% of fatal teen car crashes. Inexperience behind the wheel and simple driver errors are the leading causes.

What measures can parents take to prevent their teenager from getting into a car accident?

Parents should make sure their teen is mature enough to start driving. Driving shouldn't be about the parents’ convenience, it's about the teen having the maturity level to handle the responsibility. Proper training and getting teen drivers to understand the major responsibility that comes with driving a 3,500 pound machine filled with gasoline.

Put down the phone. The big buzz now is texting and phone use so parents have to set the example. When they get in the car, they too should put their phone away. A parent sending a work email is the same as their teen texting 'lol' to a friend. It’s not any better with a bluetooth hands free device. It's a cognitive distraction. It's not about where your hands are it's about where you head is and it needs to be kept in the game i.e. driving the car.

Are there certain times that are the worst for teens to be driving?

Forty-one percent of fatal crashes involving teenagers occur at nighttime (between 9:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m.) 55 percent of motor vehicle crash deaths among teenagers occur on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Most GDL's now restrict driving late at night.

What tips can you offer teens to drive safely?

Treat driving with respect. This is a life changing activity, and can be positive and/or negative, depending on what you do with it. Slow down. Put more space between you and the car in front of you. Remember that at 60 mph your car travels the length of a high school basketball court per second and it takes much longer to stop that car than you think. Lastly, PUT THE PHONE AWAY, there is no reason to be using a phone in the car. There is no call or especially a text worth dying for.

Are there certain driving skills you recommend parents to teach their children?

Although most states have now enacted some type of graduated drivers licensing (GDL's) the parents are often not the best equipped to teach their teen to drive. In most cases, parents did not received the best training back in their youth, have developed bad habits over the years, or they choose to spend more time parenting their teens about school, friends, relationships etc. instead of proper seat position, spacing between the car in front of you, car control, etc. All of the above are important parent/teen issues but in most cases driving education receives the short end of the stick when it comes to time allocation.

I encourage parents to seek outside help and read about teaching their teen properly.

Parents should drive with their teens as much as possible, even if it's just a 15 minute trip to the grocery. Have them drive at night and once they get more experience, say 20 hours or so, have them drive in the rain during the day and night, and even on Interstates. Go to a big parking lot away from other drivers and practice braking, panic type stops at 35 mph and faster. Make the ABS come on so your teen feels the pedal pumping and is not surprised when it happens to them on the road. Use that same parking lot and practice skid recovery when it snows/sleets. Parents can use this skill set as well and likely need to brush up on the practice.

The Booby Generation

My boyfriend and I went to a prom photo shoot at his daughter's friend's house. I'd never seen anything like it. Then again, I've never seen anything related to a prom because I didn't go to mine. And before anyone thinks that no one asked me, hush up. I was dating someone at the time but I didn't want to go. Corsages make my wrists look fat.

There must of been 50 couples milling around the backyard of this over the top McMansion. Think stone fountains, sweeping balconies and a perfectly manicured lawn; Housewives of New Jersey territory. Not only were the kids there, but the parents (and The Girlfriend Mom) were there too. It was like an award show with the adults standing outside the red carpet, as the kids sashayed in. Click, click, "Hey Tiffany, over here." Click, click "Michael smile." Click, click, "Brandy, you look beautiful."

But as I snapped a few candids of my boyfriend's daughter and her beau, I was less interested in the dresses and more intrigued by the parade of ginormous mammaries! If anyone doubts the effects of hormones in our food, as well as environmental shifts (and not for the better) on prepubescent bodies, seeing this group of teenagers would dispel those doubts.

I've never seen so much cleavage in my life. Not only were there big boobies, but these girls looked like they were in their twenties and had already been ravaged by life. I think in some cases, they were ravaged by tanning beds. This is surely a different breed of teenage girl.

And then I looked at some of the mothers, because in some cases, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Maybe the way today's youth looks is a combination of hormones and their mother's influences on them. Maybe some mother's project their own views of beauty onto their daughters.

I know mine did. Beauty and fashion were never her passion, which is why she still hasn't mastered foundation application and lives most of her life in leggings. You gotta love her though, she looks about ten years younger than her peers.

When my boyfriend and I got in the car, I had to ask. "Do I look like those other women?" I know as women there's always a tinge of distortion when it comes to being objective about how old we look, especially when we hit 40 and the rings around the neck start to look like those inside a giant sequoia. I like to think that I'm pretty truthful about my signs of age and to be honest, I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THOSE OTHER WOMEN.

And my boyfriend, god bless him, read from the only acceptable script for this scene. "Not at all, honey. You look half their age." Of course I returned the favor, it was the right thing to do. "You don't look like those fathers either." Holy crap we're attractive, youthful looking and humble.

Dealing the Teens Who Love Shopping

Shopping, for some people, is a favorite pastime sport, a form of entertainment. I hate shopping. To put it into perspective just how much I hate shopping, let me say this: I would rather have a colonoscopy than go to the mall. Are you beginning to understand how much I dislike it? My ex-husband always said that I was a dream wife in the sense that I never went shopping without a purpose. If I went into a store, you can bet I would be in and out within 10 minutes with my purchase in hand.

When I had my children I began to warm up to the idea of shopping. Some days it was a great excuse just to get a baby and toddler out of the house, and I confess that some of the baby stores were hard to stay away from. I actually got to where I enjoyed walking into some of the children’s stores and looking around. The sound of the playful children’s songs playing over the speakers soothed the baby and got my toddler clapping along. The salespeople seemed to know exactly what to say to make me feel like I had the cutest baby in the world. I couldn’t help but walk around and come out with a lot of unnecessary items. What was I thinking when I bought my daughter a pair of red, sparkly Dorothy shoes when she couldn’t even walk? And that adorable hat that “completed” the outfit for my nine month old never even stayed on his head. He pulled it off and sucked on it instead.

As my family grew, so did the amount of time I spent in the stores. I was really into making them match and it would take me hours to find six little outfits that all went together. One morning, rushed to get the kids ready for church in their matching outfits, I put my son in his sister’s dress, got everyone’s outfits mixed up and decided at that point to just let each child become their own little person. Since my matching obsession was over, so were my lengthy shopping trips. I reverted to my purposeful shopping trips--only going into a store with a plan to grab what I needed and get out.

That is, until my daughters became teenagers. Unfortunately, they didn’t get the “I hate to shop” gene from me and love going to the mall. Since I didn’t have a colonoscopy scheduled and it was my daughter’s birthday, I had no excuse not to take her to the mall.

What an experience that was. The store she wanted to go to has a façade built around the entrance--she says it makes the store look cool, I think it makes it look expensive. We are greeted at the door by a beautiful salesperson. I think she said hello but I am not sure because the music was so loud I couldn’t hear her. In every area of the store we walked through, there was always someone there offering to help us. The thing is, they all looked the same. They were like Stepford salespeople. They all looked like they just stepped out of an ad in GQ magazine. They were cool, young, and thin. They all had perfect hair, perfect teeth, and not a single blemish anywhere on their faces. I found myself walking around with my hand over my cheek to cover a pimple that had popped up earlier that day. (Yes, I’m forty and still get the occasional zit. Hey, it keeps me feeling young!)

I know that I am getting old, but since when did they start to play music so loud in stores? It was so loud that within minutes my head was pounding. How can the employees listen to this and not go deaf? I can’t hear a word coming out of the Stepford salesperson’s mouth, but apparently my daughter can because she is being talked into trying on a million pairs of “fabulous” jeans. When she had narrowed it down to two pairs, she brought them to me. Thank goodness, because I am literally at the point where I cannot take anymore of the loud music. I glance at the price tag and tell her there is no way I am spending that much for a pair of jeans. I see her mouth begin to move. There are words coming out of her mouth. The best part is that because of the music I can’t hear a single thing she is saying. Maybe shopping isn’t that bad after all.

Erma Bombeck once said that "Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase." Not for this woman. I am very content sitting on the sidelines of this sport!

Mother-Daughter Relationships Essentials

Mother-daughter relationship can start at an early age. Most mothers that have experienced mother-daughter relationship say they can be close to daughters in a way don’t think you can be with a son. In a mother-daughter relationship you have best friends that can be talked to about all the emotional things that women consider important that men don’t like to talk about.Most Mother-daughter relationship in high school is about disagreement. Mother-daughter relationship is all about reprimanding each others choice, which leads to a lot of disagreement. Hence marks the Mother-daughter relationship with frustration. However as the college life kicks in and maturity is achieved with time Mother-daughter relationship improves as the young girl understands and relates to her mother.But in a Mother-daughter relationship mothers and daughters aren’t always best friends. Storm clouds in the adult mother-daughter relationship most often arise over one very basic question: “Will the mother accept the daughter as an adult?

Should Teens Introuced to Alcoho at Home

Should parents be the ones to introduce teens to alcohol, at home, under their supervision?
YES:
It's a chance to start a dialogue. At this point, the drug- and alcohol-awareness program at my 13-year-old's school has squashed his interest in drinking, but I know that in the not-so-distant future, he'll be curious about it. When that day comes, I want to be the one to introduce him to it with a sip or two here, or half a glass there. That way, I can explain what's happening to him if he starts to feel tipsy, and I can start the conversation about what alcohol can do to you. I'll be able to talk him through the difference between moderation and excess, and discuss how dangerous it is to drink and drive. So yes, under supervision, I will allow my children to drink in the house — but only because I see it as a truly important teaching opportunity.
NO: 
It's against the law, period. I'm a mother of four, including an almost-driver's- licensed 17-year-old, so I'm on the cusp of a whole new set of crippling worries. I never want my kids to drink and drive — so I certainly won't be handing them a beer. Regardless of who's supervising them when they do it, it's against the law for anyone under 21 to drink alcohol, and I can't afford to send the wrong message about underage drinking by letting it happen on my watch. It's a slippery slope, and I feel much better banning drinking altogether than blurring the lines by allowing it under certain circumstances.
What about you? Do you think it's appropriate to introduce alcohol to your kids? Will it make them more responsible either way?

Tips to Get Six Packs for Teenagers

Teen-aged boys who want to achieve a defined, well-sculpted abdomen must perform both abdominal-strengthening exercises and aerobic exercise to build muscle and burn fat from the abdomen. Perform ab-strengthening exercises that target both the central and side abdominal muscles to develop six-pack abs. Complete an ab-strengthening workout three days a week, allowing a day of rest from abdominal exercises between workouts, to give your muscles time to recuperate.
Weighted Crunches
Step 1
Lie on your back on the floor, or on a flat weight bench. Hold a dumbbell with both hands and hug it to your chest. Bend your knees so that your legs form 90-degree angles. Keep your feet flat on the floor, or on the bench.
Step 2
Keep your ab muscles tight and lift your head, shoulders and back off the floor or bench, while continuing to hold the weight to your chest. Bring your chest toward your knees.
Step 3
Hold this position for one count; concentrate on squeezing your abdominal muscles. Lower your upper body to the floor or bench slowly. Perform three sets of 10 to 15 repetitions.
Twisting Crunches
Step 1
Strengthen your obliques, or side abdominal muscles, with crunches performed with a twisting motion at the height of the exercise. Cross your arms across your chest, as you lie on your back with your knees bent.
Step 2
Tighten your abdominal muscles and raise your upper body toward your knees. Twist your torso from left to right as your chest approaches your knees.
Step 3
Lower your body slowly to the original position. Complete three sets of 10 to 15 repetitions of this exercise.
Vertical Crunches
Step 1
Lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Spread your straightened arms to your sides, perpendicular to your body.
Step 2
Lift your hips off the floor and bring your bent legs into the air, your knees directly above your hips. Push your legs into the air above your body, straightening your legs to form a 90-degree angle with your torso.
Step 3
Lower your legs to the floor to the original position, keeping your knees bent until your hips are resting once again on the floor. Perform three sets of 10 to 12 repetitions.
Tips and Warnings
Aerobic exercise is necessary to burn fat off your body, so the results of consistent abdominal strength-training will show. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that children up to the age of 17 perform at least 60 minutes of aerobic exercise daily, including three days of vigorous activity. Intense aerobic activity includes running, swimming laps or bicycle riding at a fast, steady pace.
Consult a doctor before beginning any exercise program.

Helping Kids in College Budgeting

This fall thousands of students will be off to college. Their dreams of participating in stimulating debates, strolling through a lush campus steeped in academic tradition, and, let’s face it, partying without their parents’ supervision are about to come true.
For many, this will be the first time that they live on their own. It is also likely to be the first time that they have ever had to be solely responsible for their spending. Sending a child away with a lump sum of cash in the bank and no guidance is a recipe for disaster. Is your son or daughter ready to meet academic payment deadlines, pay for groceries and books, and make his or her money last for the whole year? Here are a few ways to ensure that your child starts their financial independence on sound footing.
Sources of Funds
Self-control is the key to making money last. The amount of control that your child must demonstrate will, in part, depend on where the funds are coming from. If you are funding your child's schooling, then it is easy for you to help them control their spending by limiting the amount that you deposit into their account. A debit card is all they will need to access funds for tuition, rent, books, food, and fun. Alternatively, if you are concerned about depositing larger amounts such as those that are needed to cover tuition installments or rent, you can continue to pay these directly and thereby minimize the amount for which the child is responsible.
If you have co-signed a loan or if the child has received financial assistance or a scholarship, it is likely that they will receive a lump sum that they can access freely. To help monitor the funds, it is recommended that the money be deposited into a jointly-registered bank account so you can check on the transactions periodically. Otherwise, you may find that your son or daughter’s tuition money has been spent inappropriately, which is a very costly mistake to make.
Budget
This time is an opportunity to teach your child about the value of money as well as the value of an education. The best time to discuss the funds that are available and what they are expected to cover is before your teen even sets foot on campus. Also, many colleges have special counselors that your child can meet with to help them prepare a budget.
Naturally, your child will want to have fun during these years as well. Help them understand how to quantify how much fun money they can spend on a weekly basis. If you are unable or unwilling to replenish their account, make sure they understand that it will be their responsibility to earn any additional money that they want to spend.
Prepare to face temptations
Students face numerous temptations on campus including offers of low-interest credit cards. Speak with them before they sign on the dotted line and before they create a life-long relationship with credit. Explain that the credit card is a great way to establish a credit rating but that this responsibility is significant and comes with a price. Credit balances must be repaid, and the interest charges can range from 10 to 18 percent on a generic card. Furthermore, the debt they accumulate can last for many years after schooling is finished and can affect their ability to borrow in the future.
Over time, your child will also learn about the banking industry as well as key skills like how to apply for a loan and watching for fees charged on transactions. They should be advised to withdraw funds from their bank’s ATM machines only to avoid the costly transaction fees associated with banking at other machines. Furthermore, have them explore the type of account that suits them best based on the number of transactions that they anticipate and their aptitude to paying bills online.
Letting Go
Be prepared for the fact that your child may make financial mistakes along the way. Take this opportunity to help your child understand the responsibilities of managing money. This is a prime time for them to learn the pride that comes with balancing a budget and starting a path towards accumulating wealth.
Use any missteps in these early days as an opportunity to allow them to become independent financially. In other words, do not bail them out. As parents we are responsible for providing opportunities for our children to fly, while also giving them a soft place to land if they fall, but do not confuse responsibility with being a financial doormat. If you continually fix your children’s financial mistakes you risk having financial dependents for the rest of your life.
Getting your children prepared for independence is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Giving them the tools to be financially responsible will allow them to enjoy the other benefits of campus – and after-campus – life.

7 Teen Acne Healing Tips

My adolescent daughter is devastated. Granted, at this age, it doesn’t take much to pull her into an emotional frenzy. Today’s culprit is a small, red bump that has appeared on her forehead, smack in the middle of her eyebrows.

“What is this?” she claims, pointing at her head.
“What?” I ask.
“This, this, this,” she says growing more agitated as she continues to point. 
“Oh that,” I reply, nonchalantly as I continue chopping lettuce for dinner. “It’s just a pimple.”

By the look on her face, you would think that I just told her she has horns growing out of her head. She immediately runs upstairs to her bedroom and slams the door. I imagine while she is up there she  will engage in a staring match with her new discovery, believing that if she looks at her pimple long enough in the mirror,  and with enough hatred, it will magically disappear. If that fails, she will undoubtedly sneak into my makeup bag in search of cover up. 

I know the last thing my preteen wants to hear right now is that acne is a normal part of puberty. Or, that in a few years, her face will clear up. She especially doesn’t want to hear me tell her that beauty is on the inside and it is more important that she be a kind, strong, caring individual. Oh no, she definitely doesn’t want to hear any of that, as true as it all may be. What she wants right now is a solution and a definite plan of action on how to prevent these blemishes from spreading.  

I imagine this scene has occurred in every home with an adolescent.  Acne often occurs at puberty, when the body increases its production of androgens (male sex hormones). These hormones stimulate the production of keratin (a type of protein) and sebum (an oily skin lubricant). If sebum is secreted faster than it can move through the pores, a blemish arises. According to the American Academy of Dermatology, 85 percent of American teenagers will have acne. Unfortunately, some teens are genetically predisposed to having more acne than others.

A typical response to acne treatment is either to purchase one of the many topical creams available at the pharmacy or, in extreme acne cases, consult a dermatologist.  While these measures may deem successful, mild acne can be reduced with a whole foods diet, natural health remedies and a good skin care routine.  Like anything else, it will take time. There is no quick fix solution to reducing or even preventing acne.  

Reduce Toxins

The skin is the largest organ of the body. One of its functions is to eliminate a portion of the body’s toxic waste products through sweating. If the body contains more toxins than the kidneys and liver can effectively discharge, the skin takes over. As toxins escape through the skin, the skin’s health integrity is disrupted which can cause skin disorders, including acne.  Eliminating processed foods that contain artificial dyes, saturated fats, high levels of sodium and sugar is one way to effectively reduce ingesting toxins that will seep through the skin. In addition to following a whole foods diet, encourage your teen to increase his or her water consumption so that toxins are flushed out of the body. Foods that are high in fibre such as whole grains, fruits and vegetables will also help contribute to a healthy digestive system so that toxins can be eliminated through the colon. 

Avoid Topical Oils/Chemicals

If your teen wears cosmetics, encourage her to use only natural, water-based products. Harsh chemicals, dyes, and oils will clog pores and cause acne to flourish.  

Keep Skin Clean

The skin breathes.  Dust, grime, oils and pollutants can clog the skin’s pores and exacerbate existing acne.  Teens should wash their faces thoroughly, but gently, twice a day. Over washing, or excessive scrubbing can make acne worse by over stimulating the sebaceous glands, causing them to produce excessive amounts of sebum.  Use an all-natural soap with sulphur that is designed for acne (available at health food stores) to help keep the skin clean.  

Avoid Touching or Squeezing

In all likelihood, your teen will be tempted to squeeze, pop and touch his or her pimples—anything to make them go away. Try to encourage your kids to keep their hands away from their faces as any dirt or oil on their hands will make acne worse.  Breaking or popping a pimple will also allow harmful bacteria to enter the blemish thereby risking infection and possible scarring.

Nutritional Supplements

Certain vitamins and minerals such as Vitamin A, C, E and zinc, along with the essential fatty acid, Omega 3, may help improve the appearance the skin and minimize the eruption of acne. Consult with a natural health care practitioner to determine the correct dosage for your child when using a supplement as exceeding the recommended daily units daily of some vitamins can be harmful to the body. 

Vitamin A, C, E, zinc and Omega 3 can also be found naturally in the foods we eat: vitamin A  is found in animal livers, fish liver oils and green and yellow fruits and vegetables; vitamin C is found in berries, citrus fruits and green vegetables; vitamin E  is found in avocados, cold pressed vegetable oils, dark green leafy vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds and whole grains; zinc is found in egg yolks, fish, kelp, legumes, liver meats, mushrooms, soy and whole grains; and omega 3-fatty acids with its antibacterial and anti-inflammatory effects can be found in fresh coldwater fish such as salmon and mackerel, fish oil, and walnuts.

Natural Remedies

If your adolescent child is anything like mine, he or she will be willing to try anything to help minimize the appearance of acne. There are some natural remedies that use low-cost household items that may help. A mixture of organic apple cider vinegar and quality water applied to the affected area can help balance the skin’s pH level, and prevent breeding of acne-causing bacteria. Mix 1 part apple cider with 10 parts quality water and apply gently with a cotton ball to the skin.  

Freshly squeezed lemon juice applied directly to clean skin can also help balance the skin’s pH level.  Allow the lemon juice to dry for a few minutes and then rinse with cool water. Re-apply a couple of times a day. 

Honey contains enzymes that rejuvenate the skin and act as an antimicrobial agent. A thin layer of raw honey applied to the face and left in place for a few minutes can serve as a natural mask to remove dirt and grime from the pores.

Tea tree oil, available at natural health stores, is a natural antibiotic and antiseptic.  A dab of full-strength tea tree oil applied sparingly on blemishes three times a day can help reduce the size and appearance of blemishes. Tea tree oil soap also works well. As with all natural remedies, discontinue if a rash appears. 

Be Patient

Living with a teen isn’t always easy. It is a time of change, confusion and emotional ups and downs as they figure out their place in the world.  What may seem as a natural rite of passage to us, can be viewed as a tragedy to them. What an adolescent needs most is an understanding parent who remembers what it’s like to at this age. If you are living with a teen fighting the acne battle, suggest some of these remedies and hopefully your teen will be on her way to achieving healthy looking skin.  

By Joanne Capano

Teen Pregnancy Pact at Gloucester High

When a 15-year-old girl at Gloucester high school in Massachusetts discovered she was pregnant earlier this year, she displayed no trace of fear or concern. Shown the results of her pregnancy test, she responded: “Sweet!” She then rushed off to tell her friends.

The girl was among a group of up to 18 Gloucester teenagers who may have made an apparent “pregnancy pact” that has stunned this decaying fishing community and sparked a renewed national debate about sex education in American schools.

The notion that girls as young as 14 might deliberately try to become pregnant has embarrassed school and health officials. It has also ignited a row about what exactly the girls were up to, and to what extent the religious beliefs of this predominantly white and Catholic corner of New England may have encouraged an unprecedented spike in teenage sexual activity.

In Gloucester last week, there was both shame and scorn as officials questioned the nature of the “pact” and teenagers shrugged their shoulders at a scandal that many seemed to view as the inevitable consequence of growing up bored.

“When you live in Gloucester, there’s nothing else to do but have babies,” sighed Josua Medeiros, 17, as he lounged on a bench near a town beach. But Alycia Mazzeo, who became pregnant at 14 and now has a seven-month-old daughter to look after, said she wished she had a chance to lecture her schoolmates about the realities of teenage motherhood. “It’s not all cute things like dressing up your baby,” she said.

As the home port of the Atlantic fishing crew that perished in the so-called “perfect storm” - a story that was turned into a best-selling book and a Hollywood film - Gloucester is used to national attention.

Yet the media storm that erupted last week sent towns-people scurrying for cover. “I’m sorry, we’re under a gag order,” said a teacher as she left the school.

Christopher Farmer, the British-born superintendent of local schools, found himself under siege as reporters around the world attempted to link events in Gloucester to the recent Hollywood vogue for cheery films about unplanned pregnancy.

Films such as Juno and Knocked Up have been blamed for romanticising a social evil, as has massive media coverage of Britney Spears and her family. Spears’s actress sister, Jamie Lynn, gave birth last week after becoming pregnant at 16.

Yet Farmer and other local officials are not so sure they have found the cause of the pregnancy surge. School officials confirmed last week that 18 students had become pregnant in the past 12 months, compared with an annual average of three or four.

The initial report of a pregnancy pact was based on supposed remarks to Time magazine by the school’s headmaster, Joseph Sullivan, who was on holiday last week.

Nobody disputes Sullivan’s contention that several girls were trying to get pregnant, but he did not specifically mention a pact and for all the media attention lavished on Gloucester last week, nobody was able to produce a girl who could testify to its existence.

“I had never heard the term ‘pact’ until Time magazine wrote it,” said Farmer.

One mother who claimed to know some of the girls said she doubted there was a pact to become pregnant, but some of the girls may have vowed to stick by each other while raising their babies.

Others suggested the girls were simply angry with the lack of attention they received from their parents and wanted to stir up trouble.

Whatever the truth of the girls’ intentions, Gloucester is still stuck with a baby boom it can ill afford. The school has child-care facilities for up to seven mothers. It is already full for next year.

The town also faces a difficult debate about how to improve its sex education and whether to provide free contraception in schools, which is fiercely opposed by many Catholics.

Most worrying for other parents across the country is the mounting evidence that after 15 years of declining national teen pregnancy rates, the problem is returning. A recently released government study found that the number of teenagers who said they had used a condom the last time they had sex dropped from 63% in 2005 to 61% last year.

By: Beverly Ford

How to Set dorm room for your teen?

Heading off to college is something most teens look forward to nearly as much as getting the car keys for the first time. However, arriving at campus to find a tiny, dingy dorm room can dampen the spirits of even the most enthusiastic college student. Make a dorm room feel more like home with this handy dorm room shopping list.

Dorm Decor Ideas

College is a time for students to explore themselves and start to create a unique identity. One of the best ways to express individuality is through decorating a dorm room, but with challenges like cramped space and bans on putting holes in the walls, what is a creative college kid to do? Fortunately, there are a lot of ways to create a dramatic look without damaging the walls or breaking the bank. The following ideas will transform a dorm room from blah to brilliant.

Organizing a Dorm Room

The first challenge in decorating a dorm room is making things functional and organized. With such small amounts of personal space, college students need to maximize the efficiency of their dorm rooms.

Beds take up the most space by far, so using them efficiently is key. Commercial bed risers are easy to use and inexpensive. These plastic stands slip under the four feet of the bed and raise it off the ground, making more room for under-bed storage. If possible, consider replacing the dorm bed with a loft style bed. Similar to a bunk bed, a loft bed features an elevated sleeping platform, but instead of having another bed below, there is a desk or work area.

Sketch a layout of the dorm room’s floor plan and make cutouts of furniture to scale. Use this model to try out different arrangements of furniture before moving the heavy stuff around. This can help determine the most efficient layout.

Baskets can be huge space-saving lifesavers, and they have the added bonus of corralling stuff in a small space. Try slipping several under the bed to store shoes, books, remotes, and sporting gear. Smaller baskets on a desk can keep art and office supplies, electronics and personal belongings under control. The great thing about baskets is that they come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes with looks that range from country rustic to chic modern.

Decorating a Dorm Room

Once the nuts and bolts of layout and organization are in hand, it's time for the fun part: decorating a dorm room! Blank walls are often a complaint of college students who are forbidden to hang posters or pictures with nails or tacks. Fortunately, there are a lot of products that can help get around this problem. Folding screens are slim and take up little space but can easily dress up a wall or create some much-needed privacy. Poster putty can be used to hang lighter works of art while Scotch Command removable hooks can handle more weight.

Another fun trend for decorating walls is removable vinyl decals which are available on numerous websites. These decals come in a huge range of prices, sizes and looks. With even large decals costing less than $50, these temporary works or art make a huge statement for not a lot of money. Be warned that some decals can be removed but not reused. Check manufacturer websites to determine which decals can be reused.

The truly ambitious can create a custom look by handing large pieces of fabric on the walls with removable adhesive. This can totally transform a dorm room and is fairly simply to do. Plus, the fabric can come down and move with its owner.

Dorm Room Shopping List

Here is a handy list of all the things mentioned in this article.

• Bed Risers
• Under-bed storage
• Baskets (various sizes)
• Loft Bed
• Graph Paper (for sketching layout)
• Poster Putty
• Removable wall hooks
• Folding screen
• Removable decals
• Discount fabric
• Removable adhesive