Changing Patterns
Male and female of any generation have, of course, always gotten together for basically the same reasons-companionship, mating, sex, and sometimes just to keep from being alone. But while the. reasons have not changed significantly over the years, the patterns have. In some circles "gatherings" halve supplanted the formalities associated with "dating," where boy calls girl, and for sound. logical reasons Such reasons range from more freedom of exploration by both sexes t less dependence on tradition: "I'm going over to--. Come along."
The concept of dating, regardless of the current in-words used to describe it, still includes "paired association of members of th opposite sex without references to the intent to marry." It is. in effect an exploratory or scarch process with a variety of motives. Even the settings far getting together have changed. Gane are the rumble seat days af the thirties and the lave-in arrangements of the sixties. Settings and getting tagether taday center an two. things. First, pairing off is mare spantaneaus. Secand, there is less separatian af rale behaviors by couples; duties, for example, are no. langer automatically labeled "masculine" ar "feminine." And the in-wards come and go. very rapidly. "Graaving" gave way to. "digging." Tamarraw's in-wards are difficult to. predict. Words, of course, reinforce aur ways of feeling, thinking, and behaving, and we sametimes come back to. canventional words far purpases af cammunicatian. Bath "dating" and "caurtship" seem to. fall in this categary. Dating, far its many and varied reasans, contrasts with the concept of courtship, which invalves abligations to carry thraugh to marriage.
Dating as a farm af social behavier has been viewed by cynic, critic, premoter, and researcher. Some centent that dating is a barrier to happiness in marriage and that en dates the girl must learn to. pratect herself against the boy's sexual advances. Others believe that it is a form of social behavior largely daminated by a quest for thrills, sametimes through deceit in the pretense of love and devatian. And still athers say that it is a built-in trap to promote marriage. Many have wandered what alternatives might take the place af this widespread custam.
The advantages af dating have been equally tauted. Dating is partly educatianal, helping us learn to. adjust to members af the appasite sex and gain poise and ease in social situatians. It helps us learn to. cantrol behavior, evaluate persanality types, and build up cancepts of right and wrong. Dating is a means af mixing and having a good time sacially, while defining the roles af the sexes.
Attraction
After some purely trial-and-error pracedure, seme dauble dating, some pairing aff frem a gathering, ar some computerized search, people really come together through same mutual attraction. From a variety of studies of "liking" and "disliking" come some useful generalizations. First, there is a tendency for people who like each other to mingle in graups, thus providing pairing-off opportunities. Second, empathy plays an important role as we come to share the other persan's feelings. Third, the greater the similarity of attitudes, the greater will be the attraction. Fourth, people tend to assaciate with others whom they perceive as similar to. themselves, though when persons are secure about being liked, they are willing to associate with others who are dissimilar. Fifth, the highly defensive persan tends to. be attracted to someone like himself, although he may say' just the opposite. Sixth, the nondefensive persan is mare outgoing and adventurous, and hence has the opportunity to become a member of several groups. Seventh, agreement in thinking is a factor in staying together, when offset with a small amount of in-fighting. Studits show that happy couples "think alike" more often than do unhappy couples. Studies of divorced people also show that when physical attractiveness was the primary reason for marriage. the give-and-take of reciprocation was lacking. Eighth, attractiveness relates to reinforcement. We tend to like persons who give us rewards at the right time. Ninth, popularity among college students relates to the psychological climate. Tenth, attraction relates to similarity of interests over a fairly wide range.
Blind Dates and the Computer
Just another evening wasted; I'll never go out on another blind date." Yes, you l' probably have said the same thing on some occasion. Several mixer-weary students concluded that college students do know what kind of people they enjoy dating. They also agreed chat blind dates are fine up to a point, but that there must be a better way tha:: the usual trial-and-error system. Why not use a computer? This was the beginning of Operation Match.
Operation Match began with the construction of questionnaires, which were sent to many college students. The data were analyzed statistically .. During the first year some 200,000 college students across the country were matched, with a follow-up sample of 8,000 of them in a validation study. Through refinement of the questionnaire and programming, much of the gamble can be taken out of the blind date by using the computer for matching couples on the basis of their preferences.
The student is asked to fill out a vital statistics and personality inventory on an answer 'sheet which comes with "the test." Tilus. placed in the computer memory file are vital statistics of sex, race, religion, age, and interests. Also included are responses to questions about attitudes and how one reacts to specific situations. Data programmed into the computer include general and specific informatIOn about one's academic record, social standing, and even political affiliation. Physical appearance is added to the picture, as are selfevaluations of such qualities as "talkativeness" and "emotional responses." Not only does the male, for example. describe himself, but he records on an answer sheet what he wants his date to be like; Each client is sent a list of possible dates from which he or she can choose. The matching is based on responses to items which have been found to be valid for "good matching."
Reactions of students have been generally favorable to computerized date matching: "It got me out of a rut." "I met some other adventuresome people." But sometimes the wrong number may get
punched in. In a system of "I" for male and "2" for female, there have been reports of the mistake of "1-1" matching! Conclude the originators of Operation Match: "If you live in an area with several thousand college students, the number of possible matches for dating is several million. Yon yourself have a choice of several thousand dates, and be modest-that's too many to check out." In another study, of sex differences in dating aspirations and satisfaction with computerselected partners, it was found that women have higher aspirations for a dating partner than do mer. Women register a high degree of satisfaction less frequently than men following the first date.
Computer matching has spread widely and beyond college populations. "Getting together" has brought technology in to help, but the psychological problems involved have changed little.
