Your mother-in-law has come for a visit. You know she’s going to complain about your kids’ manners. She often makes annoying digs about the fact that they don’t sit up straight during supper and they don’t ask to be excused from the table.
On the other hand, you feel it’s more important they eat a balanced and nutritious meal. You pick your battles and healthy eating trumps table etiquette.
In our increasingly fasted-paced world where both parents often work, getting food on the table is challenging enough. Yet, teaching kids good manners is not difficult and there are many benefits. Good manners help us learn to be considerate and thoughtful towards how people are feeling. When we practice good manners we show our consideration of others and we are setting a standard of behavior that encourages them to treat you with respect and dignity.
If kids learn good manners at a young age they will be more adept at managing social situations and relationships. For example, children can learn when it’s appropriate to use their indoor and outdoor voices. They can learn how to interrupt politely, when to say they’re sorry and how to share toys. They can be taught table etiquette such as how to use a knife, fork, and napkin, and engage in dinner table conversation. According to FamilyFun, teaching kids about respect is the most important and enduring job a parent will ever have. This is especially true in a world that seems to be increasingly rude and violent. Teaching good manners begins at home.
Here are some tips to help you get on track:
- Model good manners for your children by using 'please' and 'thank you' all the time even if it may seem like you are being nauseatingly polite. Your children will not notice.
- Don't wait until company comes to start teaching manners. Do some role-playing before guests arrive. If you have a younger child, try having a puppet show illustrating good manners. If it’s an older child consider rehearsing or talking over a few scenarios.
- Set aside at least one night a week as 'polite night', where everyone is on their best behaviour. Set the dinner table up with candles, stemware and table linens. Simple rules like not chewing with your mouth full or not touching the food with hands may seem like common sense to you but may not be as obvious a faux pas to your kids.
- Teach your child how to set a table. Where do the fork and knife go? What pieces are placed above the plate? Where do you place the glass? Setting a table properly is available on the internet at www.homemadesimple.com or if you have a copy of The Joy of Cooking you’ll find instructions in there too.
- Take the time to help your children write thank you notes... an absolute must after the holidays, birthdays, or other occasions where they receive gifts. Thank you notes for a young child who cannot read or write can be as simple as a colored picture with the words THANK YOU written by you on the top. An older child can write a short note with some help from you. Jacqueline Kennedy was famous for her thank you notes which were always handwritten.
- Have your kids practice greeting arriving guests, especially grandparents, before they come through the door. This helps them to be more adept at managing slobbery kisses and body hugs.
- Put some behavior ground rules in place for visits so you and the kids are on the same page. If your child messes up avoid making a fuss which would be the antithesis of being polite. Instead set up some mutually agreed upon hand signals for those moments when he has forgotten his good manners.
- A helpful hint for grandparents: Children (especially young ones) need a bit of time to warm up to relatives they have not seen for a while. The wise grandparent who waits 10-15 minutes before offering too many hugs and kisses will find the child far more receptive to affection during the visit. So, being patient and establishing a connection on the child’s terms has great rewards.
