You have done all the tests and now it is official - baby number two is on the way. You and your partner are delighted and look forward to the arrival of the newest member of your expanding family. The only problem you can foresee is that your firstborn will not be too happy about having to share his or her parents with this new stranger.
Sibling jealousy is common and normal. Just imagine if you had to share your child with other parents. You would probably wonder if your child loved these other parents more than you, and it would likely make you feel insecure. Although completely understandable, our firstborn's feelings are not necessarily easy to bear.
There are strategic (less hostility provoking) ways to approach the introduction of a new baby into the family. Family therapists and psychologists often recommend trying some of the following tips:
Involve the Child in Preparations for Baby
You may not want your firstborn to choose the name of your second child, but let them help you choose outfits or toys to purchase for the new baby. By involving the older child in decisions from the beginning, they learn that they are an integral part of the family and will not be replaced by this newcomer.
Read Them Books on the Subject
Many books are available today on the subject of bringing home a new baby brother or sister. Books help children understand the experience a bit better as they usually highlight the positive aspects of having a new family member.
Focus on the Advantages
When talking about the upcoming arrival of your new baby, point out the advantages of having a sibling. Let the child know that they will instantly have a new best friend with whom they will grow up. Eventually, they will be able to play with baby. Special occasions will be more fun because of the extra person to eat, sing, dance, and open presents with.
Gifts are Good
A technique that many parents have used to ingratiate baby to their older sibling is through gifts. The day that baby is introduced to the sibling, the baby should come bearing gifts. These gifts should be special enough that the older sibling really appreciates them rather than simple little trinkets. With this kind of introduction, the older child cannot help but wonder if having this little creature around is going to be better than they originally thought.
Be Careful of Language
Rather than talk about "my" baby, refer to the infant as "our" baby. The child needs to feel that this is their sibling too as opposed to just mommy and daddy's new baby.
Ensure Attention for Older Child
Quite often, older children miss the attention when a new baby comes into their lives. Talk to your extended family or close friends and see if they can help give your first child the extra attention they are craving. Perhaps both parents can trade off on baby duty to give the older sibling some special "mommy" or "daddy time".
Be conscientious of giving hugs and kisses too. Tell your older child how much you love them and how proud you are of them now that they are a big brother or sister.
Take Pictures of the New Family
Have someone take pictures of you all as a family and give your older child a copy so that they can do their own bragging at daycare, school or play setting. The more proud a child is of their sibling, the less resentment they will feel.
By being conscientious of how you approach the introduction of your new baby to your firstborn, you can reduce the degree of jealousy or resentment they may feel. Nevertheless, despite your best efforts, your older child may still end up displaying some type of negative emotions for the new baby. Respect and allow their feelings while at the same time reassuring them that no one else will ever be able to take their place.
